A new year always brings resolutions that one swears they’ll keep. To avoid the heartache, setbacks or annoyances of the year prior, we take the worst of the worst and make promises to be better versions of ourselves this time around.
I will never waste my time on a smooth operator and will be wise enough to walk away.
I will save my pennies for a rainy day, eat more fruit, and even take up hot/non-hot yoga.
I will not gossip because it will absolutely bite me in the ass.
Now in February, we’re probably all too aware of our dwindling desire to achieve those resolutions we made just over one month ago. Arguably, it can feel easier to get back on a treadmill to train for a marathon rather than put into motion the relationship changes we aspire to make. We always give more attention to romantic relationships, with a sense of urgency that disproportionally outweighs friendships, family, or business interactions. These traumas tend to be colourful anecdotes we share around the dinner table, the mishaps and faux pas of young people in a big (yet so small) city.
But that test of being the better version of yourself – it really should be the test of keeping your past in the past, of not bringing up the unsavoury experiences you actually wish to avoid in the coming year. Do you really want to be “that person” who keeps re-hashing the crappy hand 2011 dealt you, albeit with charming punch lines, because you happened to go on a blind date with someone whom you swear is a Craigslist killer, or found your significant other in your bed with someone else?
Or do you want to be the person who verbally amputates the crappy moments from your vocabulary by living with openness for better things to come?
I’ve caught myself being one of these “repeaters” before, and this is why I’m saying this for your own good (with all the love and compassion in the world). Your friends are probably too polite to cut you off after the twenty-fifth re-telling of “Date from Hell.” So…stop talking about it.
Stop expecting everything to go to hell in a hand basket.
It might have been depressing. It might have been humbling. But one thing’s for sure – it’s still over.
Toxic is toxic is toxic, whether it is a nasty break up or duel with a frenemy. Making changes really encompasses trying to purify your interactions with everyone across all types of circumstances, not just a Wednesday night dinner date with someone who isn’t usually “your type.” Going for a blonde instead of a brunette doesn’t qualify as broadening your horizons in trying to be a better, more open version of yourself. Deciding not to revisit former flames or reaching out to neglected contacts does, however.
I empathize with all the tough stuff we go through; my circle of friends has fielded some doozies (which have subsequently been referenced in my book, blurring fact and fiction). But if there is one thing that the customary act of New Year’s resolutions does offer, it’s the chance to purge your life with an excuse.
So cut out the person you talk to out of boredom, even though you have no interest in dating them. Delete the contact details of any potentially dangerous drunk dials. Make the effort to be a better friend to those who have stuck by you, instead of those who you want to win over.
But most of all, find a new punch line that isn’t you.
– Maya Chendke
Maya Chendke is the author of Awake but Dreaming, a novel that will make you regret wishing to be famous. She’s passionate about self-publishing, cars, and volunteering. When not writing, she studies at the Rotman School of Management in Toronto. Follow her quirky thoughts @mayachendke
