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Influencers Have Managed to Price Regular People Out of Celery

Celery is unequivocally terrible.

Nevertheless, social media influencers and celebrities have been peddling these green water sticks to an indefensible degree over the past year or so. They claim that celery juice, which is essentially the same anti-inflammatory water found in most leafy greens, can cure everything from constipation to acne. The science is shaky, but the hype is not.

As a result, the price of celery has jumped nearly 16 per cent since the same time last year.

“It’s a fortune — it’s the highest I’ve ever paid. We’re talking well over $100 a case,” said Carmelo Papia, producer manager at Fiesta Farms in Toronto, in an interview with the CBC. Over $100 a case! I don’t care if that case is the size of Noah’s Ark. No amount of celery is worth a whole Borden. (The Canadian $100 note features a portrait of former Prime Minister Sir Robert Borden).

Cut down to a bunch, celery now fetches around $6 at the supermarket.

It should come as no surprise that there is an insane backstory to this development. Demand for celery has skyrocketed thanks to the endorsement of a guy named Anthony William, who claims to communicate with a spirit from the future and was thus inspired to initiate Global Celery Juice Movement. I’d just like to confirm at this point that what you have just read is real.

While plenty of medical professionals have questioned William’s miracle cure, it hasn’t prevented people from starting their day with 16-ounce glass of pure celery juice in the name of wellness.

So, can we expect prices to come back down to earth anytime soon? That all depends on how sustainable the demand is.

“If this is a sustained change in demand, we will see people plant more celery,” explains University of Guelph food economist Mike von Massow. “If it’s not a sustained increase, if celery all of a sudden goes the way of the dodo bird, celery demand will go down — and price will go with it.”

I would be shocked and disappointed if anyone is paying more than 10 cents a kilo for celery a year from now.

Christian Nathler

Christian Nathler is a contributing writer at Notable Life.