I’ve just endured a long, very gruelling round of questioning that made me sweat and, against all logical reasoning, lie more than once.
What was I being interrogated for? Armed robbery? Treason?
Not quite. It was just some preliminary entrance questions to online dating sites.
Queries like, do you often carry the conversation to a higher level? Could I handle a lot of information? Are you restless? And how often have you felt plotted against?
And that was just for eHarmony, in which questioning swung wildly between a job interview and a round of psychological testing.
OkCupid’s inquisition, by comparison, felt like a sleepover party with a group of giggling girls. While answering questions like “do you leave your bedroom in a mess” and “do you like scary movies?” I felt like I should be on high alert in case someone put my bra in the freezer.
Though the rounds of questioning eventually ended, that’s only the first stage of the online dating game. The next step may include composing a profile that suitably wows your audience. Then throw Tinder, Happn, Bumble, Zoosk, Elite Singles, Match, Pure (the Uber for dating), and Clover into the mix and all of a sudden you realise it’s the middle of the afternoon and you forgot to get dressed and go to work.
Dating in 2016 has become a full-time job. Full stop.
A few companies have actually started to specialise in managing the love-lives and tweaking the profiles of online daters, to maximise their efficiency and success rate.
VirtualDatingAssistants.com offers a silver platter service for those who are “tired of wasting your time on dating apps and coming up empty handed.” And that’s just one of the many out there.
The Toronto Star recently interviewed a 30-year-old designer who was too busy to find romance, and advertised (successfully) to find a dating profile manager on Craigslist.
One could argue that it’s no different to any other area of our busy working lives, and that by outsourcing your romances to an expert who can swipe left or right on your behalf, you’re simply delegating work to someone who has more time for it than you.
Perhaps a pair of fresh eyes on your profile could up your chances of success and provide an element of professionalism and expertise that half-hearted swipers may lack. After just 5 minutes of personality assessments on a scale of 1-5 I had already started to press the same button repeatedly, as my stamina and interest levels dipped.
But by taking out the only personal element left in an increasingly disconnected culture of match-making, and allowing a stranger to determine who we would and wouldn’t suit, we’ve completely lost what little intimacy was left.
Putting the data in dating, we’re increasingly being told that there are better names we can use to increase our hit rate, more or less attractive pictures to appeal to our potential partners, and certain times of the day that are better to find them at.
But the trouble is, love never has been and never will be a perfect science. Often we fall hard for someone we never dreamed would be a perfect match for us.
Perhaps the guy who was ‘way too short for us’ made us laugh so much we didn’t mind wearing flats instead of heels.
And that girl who seemed like a real adrenaline junkie, her life a collage of high-octane adventures like sky-diving and bungee jumping, did all those things while backpacking in Australia five years ago. Turns out she currently works in accounts and doesn’t even like driving in Toronto.
Of course it’s natural to lie and exaggerate the parts of us we think others will find more interesting. But if we’re face to face and have no pre-conceived ideas or expectations (which they might subsequently, and through no fault of their own, disappoint by not reaching) then it’s surely a more level playing field.
Sometimes nothing can beat an off chance meeting with someone when you weren’t really looking for one. And while the wait for romance can feel like an eternity, perhaps it’s better if we start thinking of online dating as a leisure activity and less like a second job.
But until then, I suppose you’ve got to fill your time in some other way…anyone up for some swiping?
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