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Half of Japan Has Stopped Having Sex…And That’s Bad for All Kinds of Business

Some strange stuff goes down in Japan.

When I first heard about their sex toy bars and their hotel rooms designated entirely for crying women, I was both weirded out and a tad perplexed. But thanks to some data recently reported by the Japan Times, it’s all starting to make sense…


According to a survey done by the Japan Family Planning Association, 49.3% of Japanese citizens between the ages of 16 and 49 have not had sex in the last month.

I know – it sounds like the premise of a new Wes Craven movie. But it’s true.

Why is half the population not having sex? Well, aside from not acknowledging the point of life, respondents explained their deliberate abstinence with reasons like work fatigue (21.3% of married men/17.8% of married women), sex being bothersome (23% of married women) and of course a general lack of interest or strong dislike for the act as a whole (17.9% of men).

Jesus, you’d think they were talking about scrubbing the toilet or filing an expense report.

But while the boinking famine is downright depressing, the implications it has on the population of the world’s 3rd largest economy is straight-up alarming.

Earlier this year, it was reported that Japan’s 2014 birthrate dropped to an all-time low as the country only popped out about 1 million newborns, compared to the 1.3 million recorded deaths; it was the nation’s third straight year of population decline. Given this trend, Japan’s population by 2050 has been projected by some to decrease by 30 million from what it is today.

Locally, that’s going to mean some pretty bad news for the welfare system and for labour forces in rural areas. But internationally, that’s going to mean some pretty bad news for everybody, especially young professionals like us.

Cars? Tires? Mobile technology? Memory and processing hardware? Cameras? Televisions? Soy Sauce? Beer? THE BEST WHISKEY IN THE WORLD???

If Japan’s economy gets lazy because their couples won’t get busy, how the hell am I supposed to check my smartphone while someone takes a photo of me eating sushi in the back of a stretch Lexus? Huh? HOW??

As of 2014, Canada’s number one export to Japan was oil seeds, fruits, and grains, just ahead of “ores, slag, and ash”. But if we know what’s good for us, by 2016, we’ll be shipping them stadiums full of horny singles.

Those folks over there need to get laid, and if we’re half as friendly as we think we are, we’ll do everything in our power to make sure they do. So pack up some champagne and oysters and cash in those air miles, people; we’re going to Japan to save the planet.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to hug my flatscreen.


Notable Life

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